Sunday, November 25, 2012

Scared

I'm scared that I've passed the point of no return.  It's so painful for me to walk these days or to ride the exercise bike.  My knees literally scream out in pain when I do walk.  You can hear the cracking noise as I walk or attempt to ride the bike.  This makes it hard for me to exercise.  Not to mention, I sprained my left elbow so bad that chair aerobics are near impossible!  The pain is radiating up to my shoulder and down to my fingers, it's so bad.  I have pain killers and do use them, but they don't touch the pain of my knees or elbow!  I know I should be grateful that I have legs to walk and an elbow to sprain, but it's all hindering my ability to exercise--a requirement for my medically supervised weight loss.  My Rheumatologist said to concentrate on diet first, but he is not my Primary Care Physician nor my Bariatric Surgeon.  I'm afraid I won't be approved for weight loss surgery or if I do have the surgery, the knee pain will still be there.  I know I should fight it, though, but I just can't find the energy to do so yet.  I'm just a big mess right now, physically and emotionally.